Wednesday, 5 February 2020

When will I be having more children?

When will I be having more children?

Never is the answer to that!

There's numerous reasons why I won't be having anymore children, but it is still a question we get asked quite frequently. Why are then asked to explain why!!

I have one of each (Male and female), who are both happy and healthy, so I have more than I could ever ask for.

But there's so many other reasons I don't want other children too. The main being pregnancy f**ked my body up!!

I have a condition called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) which has been accelerated by pregnancy, it has effected my eyesight as well as my joints/ligaments. EDS are a group of genetic connective tissue disorders a few symptoms may include loose joints (hypermobility), joint pain and stretchy skin.
The first time I experienced issues was during my pregnancy with Oliver where my spine arched too much causing severe pain and my hips would randomly pop out of place. I don't think it was a widely known about condition back then as I was just sent to physio with not must interest, assuming it was just pregnancy related. From having Oliver I have been back to my GP a few times with my joint pains increasing from my hips, to my knees, feet, elbow and all down the fingers in my left hand and been tested time and time again for arthritis with no solid conclusion except my joints are showing signs of early wear and tear.
After marrying Ste, we decided there was definitely another child shaped void in our life so we decided we would try for another child and was so ecstatic when we dropped on after 6 months of trying, but I also dreaded what it would do to my body - at this point I didn't know about hypermobility or EDS but knew my pregnancy with Oliver had a detrimental effect on my body.
Early pregnancy wasn't too bad except the morning sickness - or eating any form of meat sickness (I used to swear she would be vegetarian/vegan when she came out 😂), but the pain in my hips and feet started progressing into the second trimester and in the third trimester I could only waddle small amounts before I was near to tears with the pain. A lot of women experience hip/back pains in pregnancy so again it was assumed it was pregnancy related. I also noted my eyesight had been dramatically effected during this pregnancy, it wasn't amazing before and needed glasses for reading but Holy Cow!!! It got bad!
Next came the birth of Isabelle - this is when I knew something wasn't right with my body. 9 days of slow labour, her water sack was so stretchy she couldn't break through them so the midwife had three attempts of breaking my waters manually before she got an extra sharp ..utensil lets call it to break them. That wasn't pleasant and scratched me a few times before she got to my waters! During active labour I don't recall feeling any pain from her coming out, I can only remember the pain I was feeling from my hip which was being pushed out of place constantly - even Ste was amazed my main concern was my hip!
So when I was home and felt up to it, it was back to the GPs this time who then referred my to a rheumatologist - she immediately picked up on my joints being hypermobile and diagnosed me with EDS. It all made sense - she even explained my vision loss as being related to this too. Pregnancy releases a hormone called 'Relaxin' which causes muscles to relax, only in my case the muscle holding my eye lens in place relaxed too much which has caused it to slip.

So yeah, pregnancy f**kd up my body AND my eyesight. I live every day in constant pain (admittedly some days less painful than others) and having to wear prescription glasses daily. I dread to think what would happen to my body or eyesight if I did have anymore kids 😂

But regardless of my personal reasons for not wanting to have anymore children, why do people feel the need to ask? and then, when the response is no, they feel the need to delve a little deeper in to the reasonings behind it.

This is not ok! 

Stop being nosey! It has nothing to do with you!
Other women might have reasons which they aren't comfortable discussing, respect their choices without needing to know more.

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